The Inner Spine

During dialogue between the couple, in couples therapy and in life itself, very emotional and tense content frequently comes up concerning the other partner’s power and strengths, or the partner’s lack of power and poor self-fulfilment. This is particularly when the other partner is very successful at work and in contacts with other people, while at home the experience is very different. It creates great frustration, jealousy, and criticism – that can sometimes be really damaging … In such a situation, I request the couple to sit facing each other and ask each one ‘Is your partner powerful?’ Generally the answer is ‘Yes, otherwise I wouldn’t be with him’, or responses like ‘Yes my partner has a lot of power and very high potential’. There are sometimes less amicable reactions like ‘My partner is spineless, has no power at all’, and so on. 

My belief - and that of biodynamic psychotherapy which works with the life force - is that each of us has a very strong ‘primary personality’, with huge potential for power, flow, qualities, destiny, and love. This primary personality is found throughout the body – and can especially be felt in the centre of the body, in the abdomen and chest. The spine which holds us all the days of our lives is also strongly connected to our primary personality and inner power 

 

Next I ask the couple to work on the ‘spine’ that symbolises our powers and forces. By this I mean both the physical spine - with its 24 vertebrae - and the ‘inner spine’, located in terms of energy in the centre of the body - from the centre of the pelvis up to the top of the head (in mind-body language: from the first chakra at the base of the pelvis up to the highest seventh chakra at the top of the head - the crown). First one of the couple closes their eyes, the other one stands behind them, and physically touches the spine - on the seven upper vertebrae, the twelve middle ones, and the five lower ones, sensing the physical power of his or her partner’s spine.

I direct the person who is receiving the touch to feel and connect to their spine. Then the ‘therapist’ moves to stand in front of the other person, and feels energetically the power of the inner spine. I guide the couple to imagine that the inner spine begins in the pelvis and ends at the top of the head, and is found in the centre of the body. This lets them feel the ‘patient’s’ inner power, and they can conduct a verbal energetic dialogue if they wish or need to. (Throughout this exercise, I encourage breathing freely and remind the couple to breathe, which encourages the flow of the energy and vitality of the individual and the couple).

After five or seven minutes, the couple switches roles and the other one feels the partner’s physical spine and then the inner spine. Now, when both are connected to their inner power, I ask them to stand back to back and together to build a ‘couple spine’. First they have to physically feel the partner’s spine as they stand back to back. Then, with guided imagery, they must imagine that one powerful spine of the couple relationship! From that place, I let the couple begin a dialogue with the spine, with one spine touching the other, and creating a shared spine – it’s a verbal, physical, and energetic dialogue.

Of course, several dynamics can develop from this exercise, as well as an open dialogue or a closed one. and sometimes a very complex dialogue. It is a very productive place for continued work with the couple, in which I observe each individual’s story, the shared story, the damage and behaviour patterns of each partner and of the couple. This is one of many mind-body exercises which help couples to return to sensing their personal power - the power that sometimes gets lost due to stress, pressure, and the anxieties of life and family. And naturally, it helps them to once again feel the power of the couple, of being together, the binding power of the couple relationship, and their potential as a couple and a family. 

 

After the exercise, I let the couple rest quietly, without speaking, to allow the body and mind to digest the experience. All three of us then share our feelings, and at the end I ask them to repeat the exercise before the next session.

 

Biodynamic Body Psychotherapy is a mental - physical – energetic – therapy.

Bio = life, dynamic = power, and biodynamic means the life force / energy which flows within us.

It derives from the humanist psychotherapy stream, and believes in the healing power of human touch, and humanity in treatment and life, as the foundation for healing and growth.

Biodynamic Body Psychotherapy works on the potential of individuals and couples, addressing different layers - beyond the cognitive and verbal layers - in different states - both relaxation, and stress and tension.

In individual and couples therapy, the mind-body questions that arise and are explored, beyond the usual dialogue, are:

 

• What is happening in your body? What feelings are arising? Where are the difficulties and pressures?

• What is happening to your breathing? Where is it released, where does it halt? In what situations?

• What is happening to the flow of energy – in the individual and the partnership?

• How do the various psychosomatic systems, like the digestive and respiratory system, respond to difficulties and stress?

• To what extent is sexuality related to the emotional layer? The interplay between sexuality and emotions.

 

For the couple and their relationship, and for me as the therapist participating in their therapeutic process, it’s an exciting and meaningful experience revealing the truth of ‘Couplehood - it's not so simple’. While it reveals the complexity of a couple's life, it also shows the extent to which we can empower ourselves, our relationship and family, by the work performed as an individual and as a couple, while addressing all aspects of ourselves - including the body, breath, and soul.